Perhaps you have seen the story in the news about the woman that adopted a child, only to give him up later for adoption. The woman, Anita, gave the child back up for adoption because she said that she was not able to “bond” with the child. The story grabbed my attention, due to the fact that I am in the process of adopting a little guy (to be completed December 11th, Lord willing). Here are my thoughts on this difficult story.
I appreciate this woman’s humility in coming forth about this. She says in her story that this was her fault. That she recognized her limitations in this and that her ego was deflated. Also, she has received much criticism for writing about this, and she seems willing to endure it, not by firing back. We must be careful to not judge this woman. We don’t know every last detail. We ought to be slow to speak on this, lest we be self-righteous and proud. That being said, there are a couple of points on adoption that come to my mind.
1. Adoption is to be for the glory of God. As you listen/read this woman’s story, you hear many references to her feelings and desires. Again, we shouldn’t judge her for these. We all know how we can be captured by feelings and desires. They are real elements in our lives. But, they can deceive us. She talks about her desire to have a large family. This is a common one for those pursuing adoption. What causes me concern is that this can be a very selfish desire. We all picture what our family will look like, and then our tendency is to trust in that picture. We must acknowledge that our aspirations and desires are subject to the will of God. As James says, if the Lord wills, we will do this or that. Adopting because you want a certain type of family (large/small; certain genders; certain skin colors, etc…) is perhaps an indication that you are adopting for yourself and not for the glory of God and the good of the child.
Consider God’s adoption of us. He sacrificed His Son to bring us near. Our vertical adoption has to influence the way that we think about horizontal adoption. We don’t do it for our own glory. If we do, then we will be disappointed.
2. True adoption is permanent. True adoption is the reality that God reconciles sinners and makes them His own child. He adopts rebels to be His sons and daughters. And when he does this, it is not based on our personality but on his grace and mercy. Aren’t you glad that God doesn’t dismiss you from his family when you mess up. Think about this idea of bonding for a moment. Bonding is best done through communication, and prayer is our means of communicating with God. How is your prayer life? Are you building your relationship with God through prayer? Aren’t you glad that God doesn’t dismiss you from His family when your prayer life is stalled and you aren’t pursuing communion with Him? In a sense, you are refusing to “bond” with God, yet He remains faithful for His name’s sake. If you have been adopted by the King, then rejoice, for you will be his son or daughter forever!
So I am not going to use this story as an opportunity to pile on the criticism of this woman. Do I think she made the right decision, of course not. As I just said, true adoption is permanent, based on faithfulness and covenant love. Let’s use the story as an opportunity to rejoice and be drawn into the nature of TRUE adoption. If your considering adoption, don’t let this woman’s experience scare you off. Fix your eyes on the love of the true Father, and let that love move through you to others. Adoption is about God, not us. Aren’t you glad about that…
